The important role of a mother is defined for a Muslim in the famous Hadith which highlights the mother’s rights thrice. What we tend to overlook is that the same Hadith also shows the father’s place in a household.
We sometimes neglect this equally important member of the parenting duo: Fathers.
“While the role of mothers has never been questioned as the primary caregiver, the role of fathers has often been relegated solely to that of a financial provider and sometimes labelled as a voiceless bystander,” says Suzy Ismail.
She tells us that for the most perfect example of what it means to be a father, we need look no further than Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. His relationship with his daughter Fatima radhiallahu anha was one built on mutual respect and love. When she would enter a room the beloved Messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam would stand for her and kiss her on the forehead. Reciprocally, when Fatima radhiallahu anha saw her father being harassed by Quraysh in prayer, she would rush to be by his side. This is what a true father-daughter relationship really looks like; a connection that is built upon respect and tenderness and that is encompassed in both words and actions.
Fatherless families
Islam’s insistence on the sacred institution of marriage is a safeguard against truant or absent fathers. The rate of nonmarital births has increased rapidly. In 1970, about 11 percent of all births were to unmarried parents; by 1990, that figure rose to 28 percent. By 2013, around 41 percent of all U.S. births were to unmarried parents. Many of these kids spend most of their life in a single-parent family, which is more often than not missing the father.
University of Illinois study of adults who were born outside of marriage found that the longer the time spent in a single-parent family the less education attained. This significantly reduces the job and income attainments of these individuals.
According to a study by the National Association of Elementary School Principals, 33 percent of two-parent elementary school students are ranked as high achievers, as compared with 17 percent of single-parent students. The children in single-parent families are more likely to be truant or to have disciplinary action taken against them.
Fathers4Justice in Scotland concluded that the cost of family breakdown across the UK is £48bn a year (Relationships Foundation 2016) and that fatherless young people are almost 70 per cent more likely to take drugs and 76 per cent more likely to get involved in crime. (Addaction, 2011)
Role models
A Harvard article by Dante Spetter, instructor of Human Development, shows that when children become parents, they look to their parents as to what they should and should not do. For young girls in particular, their fathers can make a huge impact on their self-esteem and how they grow into women.
Fathers play a surprisingly large role in their children’s development, from language and cognitive growth in toddlerhood to social skills in fifth grade, according to new findings from Michigan State University scholars.
The research provides some of the most conclusive evidence to date of fathers’ importance to children’s outcomes.
Fathers’ mental health had a long-term impact, leading to differences in children’s social skills when the children reached fifth grade. In fact, fathers’ depression symptoms when children were toddlers were more influential on children’s later social skills than were mothers’ symptoms.
Many studies have confirmed that a father’s involvement can have powerful effects on a child’s cognitive development. It begins to become clear in infants as young as 5 months old, who score higher on measures of cognitive development if they have highly involved fathers.
Anas ibn Malik radhiallahu anhu says, “I have never seen a man who was more compassionate to his family members than Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.” (Muslim) He goes on to say how the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam would embrace his son and kiss him.
The hadith shows us that one of the best legacies to leave behind is a child who will pray for you when you die. The child will only do this for both parents if he was shown affection by both.
As Suzy Ismail concludes, “Think of the men who you admire as fathers and that you have been blessed with in your life today. Reach out to them, call, send them a smile and a note of thanks, but most importantly make sincere dua for them. They deserve to not be forgotten.”
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