South Africa is going through a transition period of finding her feet in a normal world. The birthing pains have brought with them a bouquet of problems that are affecting most of the country.
Close to 11 million kids attend schools in South Africa. Of these, 58 percent claim they have been bullied at school. That translates to a staggering 6 million kids. The bulk of this bullying is in the form of emotional and psychological bullying while over 2 million had suffered physical bullying.
South African schools have to deal with the added dimension of gang violence and the spill over into the bullying that is attached to it.
The impact of sustained bullying cannot be underestimated. Studies show that people who are abused by their peers are at risk of mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide more.
What can you do if you are being bullied in school?
There is obviously not a one-answer-fits-all solution, but there are many answers that we can get both from Islam and contemporary sources to shed light on possible responses.
Don’t get emotional. Bullies take pleasure in emotionally manipulating people. Stay calm and rational to diffuse the situation. One of the most difficult strategies to use against a bully is kindness, as the usual instinctive reaction is either to hit out and repel the hurt by hurting the one who has hurt you or to run away and avoid them; the fight or flight reaction.
Allah Ta’ala has advised a disarming strategy, and this is the last thing that a bully will expect: “And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” (Quran 41:34-35)
Don’t blame yourself. Acknowledge that this is not about you; it’s about the bully. Don’t lose your confidence, or think you are incapable or incompetent.
Seek help. If you think you’re being bullied, it’s time to start talking to others who can help you manage this situation. Try mentors in the form of teachers, family members or experienced friends.
What can the School or Community do?
Build a support network. This goes without saying for the victim. But there should also be facilities in place to help the bullies as well.
As the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.” He was asked: “It is understood to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” He replied: “By preventing him from oppressing others.” (Bukhari, 3:624)
This hadith outlines the fact that help needs to be extended to the victims which is reactionary, and to the bullies which is preventative. The two pronged approach should not only help cope with the problem but also lead to lessening it or eventually eradicating it.
Anti-bullying rules. Schools should have a student covenant, code of conduct, or other set of rules with a section on individual rights and/or treatment of others. These rules can be enforced school-wide to help prevent bullying.
Reporting system. Stopbullying.gov recommends the establishment and use of a reporting system to ensure that rules are upheld and enforced. The system should be easy to use in order to encourage accurate reporting.
Improvement. Use the results of assessments of the situation to continually improve your anti-bullying measures.
Cyber-Bullying
Incidents of cyber-bullying at schools is on the increase in proportion to the spread of and easy access to social media platforms. 16% of South African school kids say that being threatened or insulted via cellphones, e-mail or social media was a problem.
Cyber-bullying, being relatively new, means that parents and even teachers might not understand the implications or methods of this type of bullying. Equip yourself with the knowledge. This then needs to be transferred to kids to help them identify a potential problem before being unknowingly caught up in it.
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