There’s a worrying statistic in South Africa: In 2023 a survey found that from July to September 2023 road rage was responsible for 1272 attempted murders, 1053 murders and 20,686 assaults with grievous bodily harm. In the following three months of October to December 2023 it increased to 1702 attempted murders, 1116 murders and 27,918 assaults. Those statistics have only shown signs of increasing. It was also found that South Africa has some of the highest levels of road rage in the world with 67% of respondents reporting that they experienced aggressive behaviour on the road. Much of the road rage deaths are linked to incidents escalating from arguments over minor traffic issues or bumper bashings.
This trend is an alarming pattern in South Africa where violence is normalized and used to resolve disputes. It is not restricted to road rage but spills over into domestic violence as well. In road rage most the actual rage is vented from within the vehicle with angry gestures, swearing or aggressive driving. The fact that the person is physically cut off from the object of his rage lends a sense of immunity and licence to act as he wills. This holds true for domestic violence as well where people unleash their anger on the most vulnerable – kids, women and the elderly again with this sense of immunity that outsiders cannot see what they do. In a similar strain, behind the anonymity of the phone screen, people unleash some of the worst elements of their behaviour with this self-same sense of immunity.
The first thing that needs to be addressed is how we respond to other people’s tragedy. These are not moments for speculation, blame or circulation of sensitive content. Rather they are moments of restraint, Dua and deep reflection. As a community we must learn from these incidents and work together to ensure they are not repeated.
There are certain things we should not do:
- Don’t forward sensitive content such as videos or images. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: would you like it if you were in a traumatic situation and people started sharing clips of yourself, wife or kids? This thought should be enough to stop us joining in what is a despicable habit.
- Do not speculate of spread unverified claims. “O you who believe, if a sinful person brings you a report, verify its correctness, so that you do not harm people out of ignorance, and then become regretful over what you did.” (Noble Quran 49:6) When we start making judgements without having all the facts at hand, this can become a means of intense regret later. Verify information received, and even better, don’t bother poking your nose into something that has no relevance to your life. The Hadith tells us, “It is enough to be proven a liar for a person to go around narrating whatever he hears.” (Muslim)
- What follows from this is that we should not turn tragedy into unnecessary topics of discussion or gossip. People tend to find it easy to make other people’s drama into lunch discussions or a topic for the braai.
- Do not inflame emotions with unnecessary commentary. It is a sickness of our times that we feel the need to comment on every topic that pops up on our social media feed. The need to comment on everything often stems from insecurity, a desire for attention or validation, or a compulsion to fill a void in one’s own life. It’s an attempt to feel relevant. This compulsion leads to never-ending problems because of having a say in topics in which you have insufficient knowledge. “Do not pursue a thing about which you have no knowledge.” (Noble Quran 17:36)
What should we do when faced with someone else’s trauma:
- Make Dua for all those affected. Make it a habit when you see someone in need such as being stuck on the side of the road, that you and your family be saved from it and that the person involved finds an easy way out of the trouble he is in.
- Show restraint and responsibility in what we share. The better thing nine out of ten times is not to share even your own experiences let alone other people’s business. Once something is sent out, it becomes very easy for it to be misconstrued and manipulated.
- Where possible, support the affected families meaningfully and with dignity.
- Take a collective lesson as a community. Ibn al Jawzi said, “Take lesson from those who made mistakes before you, before you become a lesson for those after you.” An Arabic proverb sums it up, “Prosperous is the one who learns from the mistakes of others.”
- Work together to prevent such tragedies in the future.
We are a community, so these tragedies should be moments of reflection, responsibility and collective reform, not reaction.
Tips to avoid becoming a victim of road rage
Coming back to road rage, there are some tips that can lower the chances of becoming a victim of road rage:
- Drive safely. This sounds easy but it means putting more focus on driving and less on our phones especially.
- Don’t tailgate someone else or do something which can trigger a person who might already have a short fuse.
- Plan your trip. It might be unavoidable going to work during rush hour, but planning ahead mentally can help you be prepared especially for congestion and irresponsible driving. This could prepare you to be calm.
- Don’t drink and drive, and more applicable to the Muslim community would be not to take drugs or substances that will impair our judgement and reduce our rational response to situations.
- One of the most important factors to keep in mind is to be patient and not engage an angry driver. This will require lowering one’s ego and pride. This is a secret to resolving much of our social misadventures.
48% of road rage incidents involve a child being in the car witnessing what’s happening. This should be a deterrent for reacting in an unseemly manner. A person realised that his driving was aggressive when he heard his two-year-old child swear when reacting to a situation. He wondered where the kid could have picked up this habit and on reflection realised that it was from his habit of swearing at other drivers. What are we teaching our kids about handling frustrating events on then road when our default response is swearing, showing rude signs or aggressive driving?
What if we are the ones perpetrating road rage?
We need to be honest about it and acknowledge our weakness in this regard. Resolve to work on addressing one’s anger issues. There are some things that can help in this regard:
- Focus on driving and not on your work or home stress while behind the wheel.
- Don’t try to change other people’s driving attitudes. You can’t do it, but you can control your own habits. The other person might be a learner driver, or a new driver.
- Don’t retaliate by pressing the hooter, flashing your lights or gesturing. This will only aggravate the situation.
- Count down from 1 to 10 when faced with growing anger. This is an old trick, but it works. The Hadith teaches us some ways to control anger, and one is to practice silence, “When one of you gets angry, he should remain silent.” (Ahmad 2137) How many a times we say things in anger that we later regret and had to apologise for? While feelings of anger are often inevitable, we can minimize their negative consequences by allowing our emotions to settle before speaking. Taking this pause helps prevent hasty remarks and their potential fallout.
- Know when to walk away. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said, “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will go away; if it does not, then let him lie down.” (Ibn Hibban, 5688) When angry, change your physical state. This helps reduce physical tension. If you still don’t cool down, walk away from what is making you angry. The physical distance can help you calm down.
Youth and resolving anger issues
One of the other statistics of road rage that we need to address is that a large number, 47% in fact, is perpetrated by youth aged 18-25 years old. This is not to say that elder people are not guilty of road rage, but it does mean that this age group needs to reflect on how they resolve anger issues. Islam teaches us chivalry; that we build physical strength, we train and are proficient in handling weapons for self-defence, but at the same time we learn how and when to channel that training in the right avenue. The Hadith tells us, “None of you should point a weapon at his brother. He does not know if the devil will cause his hand to slip and he falls into a pit of fire.” (Bukhari) Learn the responsible use of weapons and physical strength. Having quiet strength to confront real threats and danger is more satisfying than going about boasting about one’s expertise and flaunting it.
The true warrior is brave, strong and fearless on the battlefield or when faced with crime but is kind and helpful off it. The Muslim warrior becomes an example of helpfulness; the teacher must go home and speak about the stressful day they had at school, but that the Muslim kids made it all worthwhile with their pleasant nature, respectfulness and kindness. The workers must speak on the taxis and buses going back home about the understanding and sublime character of their Muslim employers.
Always living in a state of simmering anger has negative health consequences as well. “Anger is a burning ember in the heart of man. You see it in the redness of his eyes and his bulging veins (when he gets angry).” (Tirmidhi 2191) Controlling anger is a skill that means recognising the early signs of what triggers your temper and using strategies to manage emotions in a constructive way. If you are faced with aggressive behaviour, lower the ego and move aside. If you are tempted to display aggression over petty issues, lower the ego and be a better person. Ibn al Qayyim emphasizes that lowering the ego is a continuous process which is essential for spiritual wellbeing and getting closer to Allah Ta’ala. He says that the ego is the greatest veil between a person and his Creator, often leading to arrogance and destruction.
The Hadith teaches us a Dua to keep anger under control,
اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبِي وَأَذْهِبْ غَيْظَ قَلْبِي
Transliteration: Allahummagh firr lee zumbee wa azhib ghyza qalbee
“O Allah, forgive my sins, and remove the anger from my heart…” (Ahmad)
Learn anger management and gradually bring it under control. It will become easier over time to remain calm and composed in the face of anger.
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